Hindu Mommy

June 19, 2006

The Toddler’s Diet

Filed under: Funny,Kids — hindumommy @ 9:25 am

DAY ONE
a.. Breakfast — One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
b.. Lunch — Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
c.. Dinner — A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale cola.
d.. Bedtime Snack — Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
a.. Breakfast — Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
b.. Lunch — Half a tube of “Pulsating Pink” lipstick. One ice cube, if desired.
c.. Afternoon Snack — Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
d.. Dinner — A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE
a.. Breakfast — Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday’s sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.
b.. Lunch — Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
c.. Dinner — Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some wine, coffee.

FINAL DAY
a.. Breakfast — A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add a half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
b.. Lunch — Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
c.. Dinner — A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

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